¿Por qué mamá lo dijo? Part I: Mamá La Mala
Written By Short Latina
The first relationship we form is with our mothers. In their womb, we begin to feel the love, the fear, the shame and the possible rejection, all at once. Upon our arrival, we are already familiar with her voice and can sense her mood. We soon begin to understand her touch, and vocally communicate our needs and wants. We depend on her at all times. We wail and scream seeking her attention. We might continue to do so to this day, but in other ways.
At times, it feels like she still struggles to know whether we are hungry or just want to be held. Neither have mastered the skill of expression nor the understanding.
Madre e hija. The relationship that grows in complexity with the years. So powerful is our relationship that it continues to be the subject of countless films, books, and novelas. Most portraying the mother as evil, “la mala” and retelling the same story. Stories fueled by resentment of the past that haunts them. Manipulative and authoritative mothers that bring abandonment, shame, hate or sorrow to their daughters. The daughter is sometimes rejected, abandoned, broken, hurt, lost, and misunderstood. Fiction might mirror our lives but very few depictions of mothers have allowed me to see our madres, as who they truly are, women.
My theory is that if we dissect our mother’s “porque yo lo digo,” we find the fear that is disguised as overbearing. There is so much that we think our mothers might not understand, but I believe that mothers know more than they are willing to share. No mother is la villana without reason.
The continuous antagonizing of our mothers show the scars of misogyny that have been vailed by the pretense of a matriarchy. Our mothers might have the final say in many of our households, but is it possible that women, daughters, and mothers, have misunderstood what truly divides us? Unaware of what lies behind our mother’s orders? Our mother’s reasons, anecdotes and rules go beyond religion, customs, culture, and tradition as they begin and end at misogyny. This is not a “man-hating” rant. No, it is an attempt to ask the questions that have been silenced by men first and now, our mothers. “Porque yo lo digo,” is not an acceptable answer anymore.
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